If you have looked at my blog or my Facebook in the last few days (weeks) you will have noticed that I’m still pregnant and that I’ve reached the point where all I want is to give birth and meet my daughter. There are two major points to this stage of my life. 1. I am not a fan of being pregnant, it has been a difficult, anxiety-ridden journey for me from the beginning…so yes, I am ready for it to be over. I hurt, I am sad, anxious and tired. 2. I want my baby! I’ve known for a long time that I wanted a family with Richie, we have our puppy dog, but I knew that I desperately wanted children to complete our little Turner house. Now, here we are and the only true advice we can take is, “be patient, she will come when she is ready.” And it’s the damndest thing because it is so true…I do not want to rush her or force her out in any way. She’s growing, maturing and preparing herself to enter the big, scary world and I know that takes time and patience.
So here I am, in this in between place of pleading, crying, wishing and praying to meet our little bug when really all I want is for her to be as healthy as she can be. The thing is….it’s hard. Patience is a virtue, but it is not easy to master. On top of that, pregnancy hormones make for a wild, emotional ride into this new chapter in our lives. As my due date approaches in two days, I feel strongly that she will be just a little bit longer than that. And in the scheme of things, it won’t matter if she comes tomorrow or in a week from now, but right now it’s a trying test. The unknown feeling….it’s something I wish I didn’t want to rush. People tell me to enjoy these last moments of silence, pregnancy, this connection with the tiny person who will soon be here, but don’t judge, I’m ready to meet her now.
In my reading today, I came across this article by a midwife about this very thing…it’s comforting in a way that this transition is a metamorphosis…for now I just hope to hold onto some peace and patience for a little bit longer.