Joy


I read an article that really hit home. (I know, I know I am always reading. It’s my thing. I love it). Anyway, the article basically said that the mother was stealing her own joy. How does one steal their own joy? 

She was letting herself get weighed down by anger, pettiness, and pity. She would get frustrated with her children or husband and ruin her own day. 

Guys, I was reading this article and thinking, “it is like she wrote this FOR me.” How many minutes, hours, days have been wasted by holding onto anger or disappointment? I can tell you for sure that it is not pretty.

Yesterday, was one of those days for me. I was disappointed because we had to cancel a trip that we had been planning to take to Florida. The timing just isn’t working out and we will have to go some other time. And, let me tell you I had some BIG emotions about it. I cried and sulked. I was so mad about it. 

The saddest part though is that I spent a Sunday holding onto the negative when I could have been enjoying a day with my family. Why do we steal our own joy? Why is it so hard to let go of the “bad” when all it does is make us sad? I’m not sure.

Today, I have been blessed with a new day. Sophia and I are munching on apples and dancing to The Fresh Beat Band. We read books in bed this morning and snuggled together. This, my friends, is joy. It is joy in the simplest form. We laughed and hugged. I remembered that BIG emotions are okay, but we all have to move on because we could miss the next awesome thing to come along. 

 Xo

Aly

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The Dream Job


I never imagined I would be a stay at home mother. I never imagined that I would find so much joy in being with one little tiny person day in and day out. I guess that’s motherhood. My mother used to say, “You’ll never understand until you have kids of your own.” (You know your mom said it too). I would just laugh and brush her off. I knew everything. I knew that she just didn’t understand ME or MY FEELINGS.  Wrong again. My mother was right. (Hear that, Mom?). I never understood how much love I could feel for my own child. So I’m glad that I have been given the opportunity to stay home with her. I haven’t worked outside of my home in almost two years. And I’m eternally grateful for that.

But, as I mentioned in my previous post I have been job hunting and looking at opportunities for writing and editing. I LOVE writing. I really do. It’s been my creative outlet for twenty years. I also love being home with my baby girl. She’s still my baby and I want to be here for her during the day. We are still proudly breastfeeding at 19 months old and I know it would be hard on both of us for me to be gone all day. (Oh yes, Happy World Breastfeeding Week!). I’ve been submitting article after article for publication as well as applying to writing and editing positions. I have even had one decent interview, but no luck so far. I have also been working on my memoir. I’d love to be able to work from home to still have time with Sophie.

It’s not truly about money. Though, being paid to write would be ideal. It’s more about keeping up with the other parts of me. I’m not just a mother (though I am devoted to that part of me) and I’m not just a wife (also one of my favorite parts of life). I am many things among them a devoted mother, wife, daughter, and friend. I’m also a writer and (if my husband is to be believed) I’m pretty good at it. I’d like to keep writing, share my words, express myself in that way, and grow in my craft.

Yes, I’d love to get paid for it too.

I know there really is no “dream job”, but there is something out there for me, I hope. Something that I can do to share my writing and editing skills. To take the passion in my heart and the knowledge from 7 plus years of schooling and do something amazing with it. Know what I mean?

Our Little Princess Bug


I never really imagined having a baby. I mean I imagined being married and having a family, but I never pictured a baby more like an instant family like you see in picture frames. For being so imaginative, I could never picture the whole story, just bits and pieces. I think this is because God loves surprises. He loves us and wants to give us joy in our lives. Experiencing life and not knowing exactly what the future holds is part of that joy.

Many of you know that I have been struggling with my anxiety lately and if you didn’t you can read more about it in my previous post, Getting Along and Overcoming. I’ve always been a “worrier” and stressing over things that were mostly out of my control, but I believe that my pregnancy hormones, homesickness and a combination of factors caused me to flounder a bit over the past month. Yesterday, I was having a “normal” (read-anxious, but functioning) day until I decided to take a nap. I had a terrible nightmare/dream and woke up sweating and freaking out. Then, something happened….I felt relaxed. I became aware of my surroundings, realized I was safe and okay and I felt better. I spent all night puzzling over the feeling because, to be honest, I haven’t felt relaxed in months. I thought I might be losing my mind ( I see now that was me still worrying haha) but I woke up today and realized that I feel happy and hopeful for the first time in a while. I’m not saying I feel 100% better and like my old, outgoing self but I don’t have that lump in my throat and knot in my stomach and I just know that God is telling me not to worry and to experience life.

And I am going to try the best I can. Richie and I have been blessed, beyond measure, that in just three months we will be meeting our own little princess. I still have a hard time imagining her, I wonder what she will look like and who she will take after (I hope and pray she has her Daddy’s mellow side). I’m scared, but in a good way finally. I feel like its scary because she will be so new and she will need us to take care of her, but I know that I’m going do my best to make sure she is happy and loved. That’s all that matters. No one should feel like they aren’t loved and I know the world is a tough place, but if all I have to give to her is the power of how much Richie and I (and God) loves her, then I know everything will be okay.

As I type this, she is kicking away like she knows that she’s going to be the center of our world. We have an appointment today at the hospital with the high risk OB/maternal fetal specialist to see if my cerebral palsy will need to be addressed in labor and delivery. I’m also going to discuss my options with her as far as anxiety and taking vitamins and other alternative healing methods. Hopefully, she will tell us that we can just be seen here at our regular practice. Wish us luck.

I hope one day if she ever forgets, Sophia can read these blogs and know how much love we have for her already.

Writing is Joy


I love to write. Whether it’s poetry or memoir or even casual blogs…I love it. I always have. I think it’s the one thing that I can see myself doing as a career and the one thing I can say I truly don’t feel is a chore. Now, writing for school can seem like  a chore and writing things that I find boring can seem like a chore, but deep down I love it. I am really proud of myself for the progress I have made in school (my creative writing program for my Master’s degree) and the progress I have made on my own personal blog. I seem to start my blog and write in it 2 or 3 times and then forget about it for months. In the beginning of 2012, I would write for a few weeks and then stop. In August 2012, I wrote several blogs and I did again t in November 2012 then again in January/February of this year. It’s like I would take several months off from my blog and I don’t want to do that anymore. I love writing and I love sharing my views even if no one reads them. My progress has been great this time. Since the end of June I have written a blog almost every single week, sometimes more!

The sad thing is I forgot how much relaxation and serenity writing brings me. As I suffer from anxiety, pregnancy hormones, raging emotions I know that I can easily turn these stressors into writing and it brings me joy. I guess sometimes we forget. I don’t want to forget anymore. I have 94 days left in my pregnancy and then a whole new amazing, awe inspiring, life changing chapter of our lives will begin. I need to embrace it and write about it. I want to say thank you (again) to all my readers and family and friends who stick by me, pray for me, send good, happy vibes my way. You all are the best. You help remind me who I am when the world around me seems dim. <3.  

Look out for more writing, more chapters to my memoir, To the Ends of the Earth and more updates about baby bug. I may just share another short post later today <3. (I know, I know three blog posts in one day! It’s a miracle.)

Getting along


Hello fellow bloggers, readers and friends! I know it’s been a few weeks since I have posted, but I have hit a bit of a rough spot with my anxiety. I felt a bit sick and went to the doctor a few times, but everyone kept assuring me that it was just pregnancy related aches and pains. Then, Richie had to leave for a little bit (don’t worry he’s back). I started having some trouble sleeping and not feeling like myself. My anxiety over many things, my health and how the baby is growing mostly and feeling on edge has been very tough the past few weeks. I’ve been working on some calm breathing and relaxation. The good news is that at the last appointment, Baby Sophia was growing perfectly, my heart rate and blood pressure were normal and things are progressing along well. Only 11-15 weeks until we meet our baby girl.

I usually like to include happy things for my posts but today I’m asking that all my prayer warriors or spiritual friends say a prayer or send good vibes to me, Richie and baby bug! I need to keep my strength up and my anxiety way, way down so that baby bug can have a nice cozy time growing while we wait for her! This is a huge favor for me, but I know I have great friends and family out there who will help send me peace and tranquility and prayer. I appreciate it :). Also, send some good vibes to my Richie bug as he is my rock and lighthouse in the storm. Thank you, Richie bug for always being there for me and helping me make each day a great one. I love you <3.

On a happy note, I finished one more class with an A I am halfway through my graduate program! Here’s a funny little poem I wrote for class. Thanks everyone!

Buried

When my husband went on a business trip

I didn’t know how to keep myself busy,

So I decided to start preparing

For the newest member of our household.

I scoured clothing stores and yard sales

And I searched across the web.

Every time I saw something cute

I bought it without a second thought.

I didn’t stop to think about my spending

Or the amount of space in her room

I bought everything in sight.

Now, I’m buried in baby clothes

And my husband’s coming home soon.