Welcome to the World, Baby Bug!

On December 12, (my due date) I woke up with a small trickle of water coming down my leg. I thought my water may have broken, but there were no contractions. A few hours later, Richie and I went to my doctor’s appointment and as we were waiting for the doctor I realized my water was definitely leaking. She told us to head over to labor and delivery. We went home to discuss our next options. Basically, when your water breaks the hospital has to admit you. Even if you have no contractions and are not dilated at all. This makes it difficult to have a natural labor and delivery because after about 12 hours the hospital will induce you with Pitocin (artificial oxytocin) because of “risk of infection”. Now, from what I learned, the risk of infection is small, but its still a possibility. So Richie and I waited a few hours, filled ourselves up with a big breakfast to get energy for labor and then headed to the hospital. At that point I was feeling antsy and just couldn’t wait. Unfortunately for me, when we got to the hospital I was barely one centimeter dilated, no contractions, no labor yet my water was broken. The hospital admitted us at 2 p.m. on December 12. They let me “labor” on my own for 9 more hours. Around 11 p.m. there was no progress in dilation or contractions so they said they would have to induce me with self-monitored Pitocin. I was disappointed, I had planned to have as natural, unmedicated birth as I could, but since we had chosen to check in to the hospital there wasn’t really anything I could do at that point. Would my body have gone into labor on my own within the next day or two? Most likely. Was there a possibility of infection if I didn’t start laboring? Yes, there was that risk. We decided to go with the hospital’s plan and induce because I didn’t want to risk that infection. The Pitocin hit me like the worst pain ever….I had to be attached to fetal monitors, blood pressure, IV….the works. Still, I wanted to try without medication. I think that lasted an hour or so.

First, I asked for an IV narcotic which was pain medicine that helped me rest from the contractions, after a few  hours, I was in severe pain (Pitocin is like super labor because it forces your body to contract). I decided that I needed the epidural. It was a hard choice for me, but I knew I couldn’t tolerate the pain that was shooting through my body. I had truly wanted to have an unmedicted birth and didn’t like the idea of an epidural that would basically numb half my body. It had a lot to do with my anxieties and my fear of putting additional medications into my body.

In the end, I decided though for myself that I wanted the epidural. It did take off the edge of the pain a little bit. I didn’t experience that numbing sensation at all though. I could still feel my legs and my hips. Sometime during the birthing process, Sophia cocked her head to the side in a position called Asynclitism. It happens and it doesn’t cause problems, but for me it was extremely painful. The epidural didn’t help with that part of the pain, so my amazing husband spent hours pushing on my hips to help me get through the pain.

After having been checked into the hospital for about 24 hours, I was only dilated 9.5 cm with an anterior cervical lip.I pushed for several hours and Sophia’s head finally turned. The anesthesiologist came back in and put more medication into the epidural. This time it took some of the pain away in order for me to sleep for one hour. I woke up from my nap ready to push and having strong  urges. I was determined to give birth to Sophia without any more interventions and I could feel the atmosphere in the hospital room was shifting and the docs were considering vacuums and possibly a C-section. Before my nap, I won’t lie, I was considering telling them to do anything to get her out. Once I had a little rest I had a renewed sense of purpose, I wanted to give birth to her vaginally and as naturally as I could at this point (after the Pitocin and epidural that is). With some helpful encouragement from my doula, my wonderful husband and awesome nurse, I was able to deliver her after another hour and a half of pushing. A last minute decision to bring out the mirror gave me energy to keep pushing at the end, when we could finally see her hair (a full head of dark hair) I knew that I could do it. It only took a few pushes after that to get her all the way out and Richie and I experienced a moment of pure elation. We both cried our eyes out when we finally got to meet our daughter, Sophia Elyse. I’m not exactly sure all the details, but this is how I remember my labor. It was a very long, long process and there were several times that I felt I was about to give up.

I have to give a special thanks to my husband who never left my side. He rubbed my back, pushed my hips when they hurt, held my hand, kept me drinking water and coached me through my pushing. I could never have done it without him. Thank you for giving me my beautiful girl and helping her arrive into the world. I love you, Richie.

Stay tuned and I’ll write more about our first few days in the hospital.

 

 

School Days

Well, my 7th Master’s class toward my graduate degree is almost over. We are in the last week and we are doing “reflections” about the semester. Mine are already done, but we just have to comment on our classmates as well. It feels very surreal that I am over halfway finished my degree. When I graduated Towson U. in 2009 I considered grad school, but didn’t know what to make of it. I even started an application to Hopkins that I never finished. Anyway, fast forward 2 1/2 years and I decided I wanted to go to graduate school while living here on Okinawa.

So two years ago in November 2011, I found a graduate program online through a private university called Southern New Hampshire University. I liked that the classes could be taken online with no residency program. Many of the MFA (Master of Fine Arts) programs require a residency in which the student has to go to the university or another location for 4-10 days a semester to participate in workshops during a semester or a year. An MFA consists of more writing workshops and skill sets than an MA which is more traditional schooling in my opinion. Unfortunately, an MFA wasn’t in the cards for me because I couldn’t just leave my husband, my dog and my job several times a year to fly to America. It’s expensive! That is when I came across the MA (Master of Arts) program with SNHU. It combines English and Creative Writing. Half the classes are literature and English based and half the classes are writing and publishing based so it is a solid mix. I took an English language derivative class, literature theory, three literature classes and a teaching writing class. These were all very challenging, but have opened up job possibilities so that I can potentially get a job teaching writing at the college level.

The second half of my degree program is the writing portion (YAY!) My first writing class was an elective Poetry Fundamentals <3. Since I was very young, I have always had a love of poetry and this class really fulfilled that passion again. It was challenging, but exciting and fun. It almost made me want to switch my concentration to Poetry instead of non-fiction, but I know that non-fiction is something I can do on many levels. It is what I did for two years here writing for Okinawa Living. It is also something I truly enjoy writing about (real life experience) and can see myself doing it forever. Poetry is something I can always come back to later though.

As I said before, I have just finished my seventh Master’s class which happened to be my last literature requirement. It was American Modernism and luckily for me, I had a wonderful instructor. I got to write about Hemingway and it was fun. It was definitely a challenge putting together weekly papers and discussion questions, but now that it is over I’m sort of bored! I thought for sure Sophia would arrive by now and I’d have my hands full. I’m kind of wishing there was a bit more class to keep me busy over the next week or so. Oh well….

If nothing else, I’d love to see my grades! I turned in my final paper (13 pages) and my short essay (2 pages) on Thanksgiving and I am very impatient to see how they turned out. I’ve also signed up for my next class that will start in January. I’m on the fence if I am going to take it or not. I almost did not take this most recent class (being so far into my pregnancy I was worried I couldn’t keep up) but I am so glad I did. It kept me busy and focused and put me one step closer to my goal of a degree. My mom will be arriving in January for two weeks and my Nana for three weeks so I think that I could do well to take the next class (Setting and Place writing workshop) while they are here. It is only 11 weeks long and it sounds like fun. I really don’t want to get behind again, I took a “term” off last fall because I was busy with work and now I won’t be finished until early 2015. I’ve only been taking one class at a time due to cost and time restrictions so it is taking me a bit longer than expected.

The one thing I am proud of is my GPA it’s 3.99 currently and I feel that it really reflects the time and energy I have put into my graduate work. I didn’t know I would ever be going back to school, but in the end, I am so glad I did. After my settings class and the next class (contemporary publishing) I will move on to my capstone classes….non fiction fundamentals, thesis 1 and thesis 2). It’s not necessarily a true thesis project, more like a manuscript. That’s the goal, finish with a degree and a manuscript that could be used for publication.

Maybe, I’ll be famous or maybe I’ll keep going to school forever…I don’t know. All I do know is that I will be proud to tell my daughter that I stuck with writing and that even when its tough I still enjoy the outcome.

The Place Between Here and There

If you have looked at my blog or my Facebook in the last few days (weeks) you will have noticed that I’m still pregnant and that I’ve reached the point where all I want is to give birth and meet my daughter. There are two major points to this stage of my life. 1. I am not a fan of being pregnant, it has been a difficult, anxiety-ridden journey for me from the beginning…so yes, I am ready for it to be over. I hurt, I am sad, anxious and tired. 2. I want my baby! I’ve known for a long time that I wanted a family with Richie, we have our puppy dog, but I knew that I desperately wanted children to complete our little Turner house. Now, here we are and the only true advice we can take is, “be patient, she will come when she is ready.” And it’s the damndest thing because it is so true…I do not want to rush her or force her out in any way. She’s growing, maturing and preparing herself to enter the big, scary world and I know that takes time and patience.

So here I am, in this in between place of pleading, crying, wishing and praying to meet our little bug when really all I want is for her to be as healthy as she can be. The thing is….it’s hard. Patience is a virtue, but it is not easy to master. On top of that, pregnancy hormones make for a wild, emotional ride into this new chapter in our lives. As my due date approaches in two days, I feel strongly that she will be just a little bit longer than that. And in the scheme of things, it won’t matter if she comes tomorrow or in a week from now, but right now it’s a trying test. The unknown feeling….it’s something I wish I didn’t want to rush. People tell me to enjoy these last moments of silence, pregnancy, this connection with the tiny person who will soon be here, but don’t judge, I’m ready to meet her now.

In my reading today, I came across this article by a midwife about this very thing…it’s comforting in a way that this transition is a metamorphosis…for now I just hope to hold onto some peace and patience for a little bit longer.

 

Waiting for labor

Today, we are officially 39 weeks and 3 days. That is 4 days from our estimated due date of December 12….for anyone wondering pregnancy is counted at a measure of 40 weeks gestation (10 months) I think they say 9 months because most people don’t find out they are pregnant until a month or two into their pregnancy anyway. The general consensus (as far I can tell) is that doctors count 40 weeks from your last menstrual cycle with actual conception being at week 2 not day 1. Why? Well I think that probably before all this technology, ultrasounds and what not, women would just generally have their babies about 40 weeks after their last period so there ya go. My take on pregnancy haha. (DISCLAIMER: That is my general non scientific description…if you want to know scientific, medical information please consult a doctor.)

We found out at 5 weeks (so 5 weeks after my last cycle started). It wasn’t anything crazy for me, I had just been feeling sick and kind of achy for a week or two. I wasn’t throwing up or anything like that, I just felt….not myself. So on a whim I took a test I was very surprised, but beyond excited. I went into our room and jumped on Richie and was screaming for him to wake up (it was very early in the morning). I can’t say I was very dignified haha. I then went to the store bought a whole bunch of tests and took like five more. It was official I was pregnant. We confirmed at the doctor’s office and that started our journey to our meet our Sophia.

Now, here we are 9 months later waiting very impatiently for her arrival. I’m more tired than anything else. I’ve been seeing a counselor twice a week to help with my anxiety and I can honestly say that it has been a very good thing for me. I’m in a happier and calmer place, which is good since our life is about to change completely! The only thing and I am going to be completely honest here, is that it is HARD to be this pregnant. I’ve gained about 22 lbs total and I’m feeling it on my joints and my back. Plus, there is a little human that likes to sit on my bladder so half my life is spent hanging out in the nearest restroom.

I’ve been doing some walking with my hubby and last night I spent a few hours dancing around in hopes that Sophia Bug would get the hint that we were ready for her to be born. According to my doctor, I have no signs of labor just yet but at least little bug is head down (it is considered breech if a baby is not positioned head down for delivery). The truth is she will come when she is ready and doctors will generally leave you be until you pass 41 weeks and get close to 42 weeks (that is two weeks after your estimated due date) as long as there are no medical issues. In wishful thinking, I would love it if she came sooner rather than later. First because we want to meet her and have been waiting for her and secondly, because I’m becoming a grouch (sorry, hubby!). I think at this point, many women start to feel anxious and a little apprehensive and I don’t blame them. You’ve spent the better part of a year growing this tiny miracle and you are ready for them.

I’m also doing a lot of resting because labor is kind of like a marathon and you need your energy. With the support of my husband and my wonderful doula, I am going to be delivering naturally and unmedicated so I need to make sure that I am calm, as rested as I can be and in a positive place. I’m honestly not afraid of labor or delivery, but I’m definitely impatient. I think I have always been because I was born 11 weeks early and couldn’t wait to meet the world. I don’t  have any great insights except that I want to meet my baby more than anything. I knew from the moment I met her Daddy that he was it for me and now I get to have the best thing ever, a baby who was created in love and is a piece of both of us. That’s why she is so special, she is a miracle and she’s both of us.

And just so he doesn’t forget….I love you buggle, you are truly my best friend, my other half and my lighthouse in the storm….I can’t wait for us to meet our baby and start this beautiful chapter in our lives and in our love together <3.

So if you are a praying person, say a prayer for a (soon) safe, healthy and positive labor and birth for our little family. If you see me out there walking and walking, words of encouragement, praise and chocolate are welcome! Hopefully the next post you see will be about our princess 🙂

Dear Sophia

To my little Sophia Bug,

With every day that passes, we get more and more excited for your arrival. I, of course, am starting to feel seriously impatient! Nine days until your estimated due date and I just want you here now. I know that is not how it works, but I wish that we could just “wish” you out now. Everyone tells me that babies come on their own time and in their own way, I just hope you decide you want to be born soon. We miss you and can’t wait to meet you. I have your room all ready (even though your bassinet is in our room 🙂 ). Daddy helped me organize so I didn’t get overwhelmed and Alysha helped put together your stroller and bassinet so you would be ready to t(ravel in style once you get here! You are going to have more clothes than any one little girl will be able to wear in six months, but I know you will be so fashionable and beautiful.

So far we have had lots of different guesses on when you will be here….December 6, 7, 8, 9, 11, 12, 14, 16, 17, 19, 23 and 24 (Christmas Eve). We are coming up on the 6, that is in two days. Daddy says December 9. I’m not sure, I don’t have a strong feeling on when you might get here. Tomorrow, we have a 39 week appointment so we will see if there is any progress, but like everyone says that doesn’t mean you will come soon….but please do! Every day, Daddy and I feel you kicking around and wiggling, but we want to have you here now so we can hug you and kiss you and love you.

You will never know how much we love you already and we haven’t even met yet. I truly believe that God brought your Daddy and I together and now we are blessed with you. The best thing is that you are a miracle, created totally out of love and pure joy.  You are the perfect addition to our little family and we couldn’t be happier. As big of a change as this is, we know that you were made just for us, beautiful, sweet and full of love.

I hope this will be the first of many letters I write to you, but I don’t ever want you to forget how loved you are and how much we want you to be here with us. This is the best year and the best Christmas ever. I can’t wait to see you.

Love Always,

Your Mommy