Judgement


As a writer I tend to do a lot of reading and research. In fact, I probably over read and over research things, but I like to be prepared. So in preparation for my little one’s arrival I’ve been reading ….everything. I’ve read blogs, journal articles, books…you name it. And the one thing that I have noticed is that everyone seems to have a holier than thou attitude when it comes to children. Maybe I never noticed it before, but everything is a fight or an argument over whose tactic is better. I would like to try to breastfeed my daughter (along with trying to ease my husband and I into healthy diets and less processed foods), but all of these articles are so harsh and uncaring. I understand that a mother’s breast milk is nutritious, healthy, creates a bonding experience with the child, but to me that doesn’t mean that a mother who feeds her child formula is any less of a mother. I read a comment that said if you can’t breastfeed automatically go to donor milk…but it was so judgmental and uncaring that I it rubs me the wrong way. There are some medical reasons why women can’t breastfeed and they get shunned for it. There are also women who do breastfeed and other people ridicule them for doing so in public. They have to hide feeding their child because someone will make a snide comment.  I have been looking for answers, helpful suggestions, tips to make bringing a baby into this world easier and all I get is people bashing one another.

It’s not just breastfeeding/formula feeding from the way you put your child to sleep, to the diapers you use, to the stroller or car seat you push them in, to the type of religion you practice. It’s not helpful information that people are sharing, it’s judgmental and scary for new mothers who just want to learn. I don’t have a baby yet, so I can’t say from experience but  it seems to me that no one way is the best way as long as your child is healthy, well fed, treated well and raised with lots of love. I’m sure my own philosophy, ideas and preconceived notions will change once my child is actually here but I want her to know about kindness, love, tolerance and compassion not harsh judgments, rudeness, pettiness and the like. It starts with me (and her daddy) not falling into the traps of we are better than you because we do it “this way” .

I want the best for my child (as I’m sure all parents do) but the more I read about these so called “mommy wars” and  rants about what is better, I lose hope. Shouldn’t we be working together instead of bashing each other and putting each other down? Shouldn’t we be helping one another grow instead of shaming each other?

I don’t know how I will feed my little one, if she will sleep in our bed or on her own, if she will ever wear cloth diapers or have homemade baby food, but I do know that she will be loved and hugged every single day. I do know that she will know the love of God and learn to love others and know that just because someone is different from you, doesn’t mean they are wrong and you are right, it means that they are different. I know that there are days I may feel like I’m failing, but as long as I try to be better every day and show her through my actions to be kind, tolerant and compassionate I think I’ll do okay.

*steps off soapbox*

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One thought on “Judgement

  1. Angie Kuhl says:

    Aly I breast fed Tony for 3 mons and when Ihad Nick I decided to do formula. I think its what you are comfortable with. When I did formula Bob was able to feed him to. I don’t think there is a right or wrong.

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