Yesterday, after a long day of work…I was trudging up the stairs, feeling tired and grumpy and I stopped and thought “It’s amazing that I can walk up these stairs without holding the railing.” This is not as random a thought as it may seem. The other day I got a call from my doctor who said she wants me to consult with the maternal fetal specialist here regarding my cerebral palsy. She was just unsure if it would cause me issues in delivery or labor since it affects my muscles/nerves in some ways. Well, of course that sent me into a tail spin of anxiety. So I do what I do best…I began to research. Most of the articles regarding pregnancy and CP talked about a baby born with this condition, but one article was written by a mother of two who had mild spastic diplegia (fancy way of saying it affected only two of her limbs-her legs-and not really her whole body). That’s what I have, my condition affects mostly my hips/legs and in a very mild way. Anyway, as I was reading her article I noticed that she said she was unable to walk up and down stairs without holding a hand rail. And I was humbled.
My whole life I have known that things were more difficult for me physically due to CP, but here is a woman in almost the exact same position as I am, but she has trouble walking up stairs. I take that for granted, I take for granted the fact that I can run, that I can exercise without pain, that I can function on a daily basis without aid and help from medical professionals. All of these things I take for granted, even more so than the average person because I remember what it is like to need help walking, surgeries, pain but most of that was while I was a young child and teen….these days you may not even realize there is anything different about me except for a small limp. When I complain about being pregnant and hot and tired, I forget to stop and thank God that I could even become pregnant and that I can get out of bed in the morning, walk to my shower, drive to my job, work a full day, type on the computer, hold a pen and then at the end of the day walk to my car and get in to drive home again. I can walk my dog, hug and kiss my husband effortlessly, cook dinner….so many things….that I truly can’t imagine a life in which I couldn’t do any of these things.
I’m not saying I’ll ever be perfect or that I will never complain again, but I’m going to try to be more thankful, more grateful that I am alive and breathing, that I can walk, run, dance and that I am able to carry and give life to this little bug who one day soon will actually be here with me and I can hold her in my arms without difficulty and pain. After speaking with the specialist, it was determined I won’t need to be seen by her at this time and that I shouldn’t have any difficulty with my pregnancy regarding my CP.
It’s just one of those things I take for granted that I haven’t seen a surgeon in 7 years and that I haven’t been to physical therapy in just as long. I’m grateful that when my daughter arrives I will be able to carry her and play with her and run around with her.
I can’t wait until she gets here <3.