I miss home. I know, I can feel you guys rolling your eyes because I am still talking about it. It’s funny because I never really thought I would … When I moved to North Carolina, I was ready to fly that it took all I had not too throw my clothes into a back pack and jet. I comforted my friends as they cried and told me how much they would miss me, but my heart was already gone. I knew I would miss everyone, but I was ready to start my life and make a new home with Richie.
Even now, I still think about our house on Queens Haven Road like it was something out of a dream. It wasn’t anything special, two small bedrooms and a tiny kitchen and living room. But it was ours and that meant everything to me. We ate dinner together every night, we went to the beach, we watched movies-we really, really lived. I wanted to run in a 5K, well I didn’t want too, but I thought I should so Richie and I would run down the back roads in Hubert and he would call cadence to me so I didn’t give up. I was so busy in North Carolina that Maryland barely ever crossed my mind.
I left Maryland so fast that I didn’t even have the chance to miss it. It didn’t matter to me because I knew I could visit there every few months. That all changed when we came to Okinawa. All of the sudden, I wasn’t just moving houses or even states, I was leaving my country the place I had spent nearly 22 years. These days I find myself thinking about Maryland more and more. Especially when Richie’s away, its really hard not to miss home when I’m all alone. Don’t get me wrong, you would have to drag me kicking and screaming away from Okinawa (unless Richie was going with me, of course), but that doesn’t stop me from missing Navy Football or crabbing off the dock at the Shore.
I was talking to Ally tonight. She brought her new boyfriend to the Shore to hang out with the family (my family). She is such an integral part of my life sometimes I forget where I end and she begins. But as she handed the phone around to my brother, my mother, my aunts and cousins I couldn’t help but feel that sting of homesickness.
I don’t hate Okinawa. I actually like it most days, when the sun shines and I see the ocean I feel blessed to live here. But when it rains for days on end and I sit up late at night wondering (literally) where in this world my husband is… I miss home. Most of all, there are so many things I wish I could show him. I want to teach him how to catch crabs and then spend all afternoon eating them. I want to spend Sundays at Nana’s with him at my side while the kids play with the dogs. I want to hold his hand and walk through the woods and show him where we used to ride our bikes and how we had to use this tiny plank of wood to cross the stream. I’ve told Richie these stories a million times, but I want him to know where I grew up.
I really miss Richie. I try not to think about it because it makes me sad. While I’m opening up, I don’t even think I can talk about it. My friends at home just feel sorry for me or they say “oh __ months…that’s nothing”. I just want to scream sometimes. The sight of a Marine in uniform makes my heart hurt because it reminds me of how long I must wait until I can hold him. I honestly feel bad complaining to my friends here when they just went through waiting during a 7 month deployments… my loneliness feels insignificant when I look at it that way. I just don’t feel like I have the support system that I would like to have. Richie is my shoulder and my rock, but he has to leave often for his job and I’m left feeling sort of lost. I guess sometimes thats why I miss home, I wouldn’t be alone.
I miss you baby, come home to me soon.